I can understand how I arrived at this point.  Taking your first sip of wine at age two, a love affair can develop.  The comforting burn of alcohol that begins at your lips...travels downward towards your gut. Either heals the wounds that you inflict upon yourself, or engages throbbing pain in your abdomen.  

I wish that I could enjoy drinking and be disconnected from the decay of the body.

I wake up daily unsure if the exhaustion I feel is due to lack of sleep, lack of quality of sleep, or, questionably, alcoholism.  I am afraid.  Do I care enough about myself to act...

The reality is that sometimes my side hurts.  I sweat when I am not warm.  My hands shake.  My back twitches.  My head feels foggy when I am sober.  

I am scared shitless.